I wanna bring you to show and tell
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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