haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
