I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
