Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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