Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
