my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize