I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
