I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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