So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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