Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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