Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
