I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize