i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
whose parrot is this?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
