I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Randomize
