I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
