your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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