i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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