im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
