Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
