i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
