my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
