We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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