woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
