nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
