...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
