she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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