Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
