One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My bed smells like the plague
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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