onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
