His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
