Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
