I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
