All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
