I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
