Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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