I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
