If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
