dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
