so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The beer is more important than you right now.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
