Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
