You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
