It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
