Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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