Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
