I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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