Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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