I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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