WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
