I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
