honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
