and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
