I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
