Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
