Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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