so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
