He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
