I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
