Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
