After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
