yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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