They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
