This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I FOUND THE LEGS
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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