I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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