No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
