so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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