It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
