ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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