Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
