i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
