I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
