how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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