Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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